How To Create an Intimate Bedroom Environment At Home
by Nashville Boudoir Photographer Caley Newberry
I’m taking over The Coterie’s Instagram Stories today, and I had someone ask a question that I felt really deserved a blog post. As a boudoir photographer, I naturally get asked a lot of questions about sex and sexuality, and it’s required me to pay more attention to my own habits. Over the years, I’ve paid special attention to my sexuality and my body so that I can use that experience to best guide my clients and friends.
That said, here are my top ways to create a sexy bedroom environment at home.
Make Sure Your Bedroom Stays Clean
I’ve worked from home for 11 years now, and I learned early on that my productivity “at work” was directly tied to how clean my house was. If my house was a mess, I couldn’t concentrate on the task I was doing for work because I just kept seeing the dishes in the sink, the crumbs on the floor, the dust on the shelves. Keeping my house clean as best I can made me significantly more calm and productive.
The same principle applies to your bedroom. If you walk into your bedroom for some one-on-one time with your partner, and you see laundry in the corner and sheets that haven’t been changed in two weeks, it’s going to trigger your mental to do list. Keeping your bedroom clean will get rid of any burden you feel when you’re there with your partner.
:: goes to clean bedroom ::
Only Use Your Bedroom For Sex And Sleep
This isn’t an option for everyone, especially right now. People are having to create makeshift home offices, so I understand if this isn’t available to you. But, when it’s possible, don’t allow your bedroom to be used for anything else. No distractions and no obligations should meet you when you walk into your bedroom. Don’t go into your bedroom to watch TV unless it’s intentionally with your partner. Sex, things leading to sex, sleep, things leading to sleep. That’s all. Don’t allow any other to-dos to creep into a sacred space.
Directional Lighting and a Good Playlist
Light switches create a stark lights on/lights off mode. (Duh, right?) Neither of those is ideal for a romantic environment. You want enough light to be able to see your partner, but full lights-on isn’t the most intimate. The easiest (and cheapest) item to set the mood for lighting is candles. And a little bit goes a long way! You don’t need 20 candles. Just a couple works just fine.
As far as playlists goes, this is super subjective. Here’s one I tend to like on Spotify that has a little something for everyone. Or, if you just want lyricless lo-fi beats, here’s a go to for me.
Listen To Your Body and Check Yourself
It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with life, especially in times like this, that we rush through out day with a to-do list and crash into bed at night without taking time to pause for ourselves. When you get off work and sit down for dinner, do a mental check in. How are you feeling? Could sex be an option tonight? And I mean REALLY ask yourself that without resorting to “omg no” first.
If you’re anything like me, how often has it not been on your mind, and you could so easily dismiss it, then a quick kiss before bed makes you think “Oh, I could have done more.” Give your body time to awaken.
I never want to pressure anyone into having sex in their relationship when they don’t want to because I strongly believe that sex is just as much for women as it is for men. But, I know I can be quick to brush it off when, if I’d just slow down and check in with myself, I’d realize I adore my partner and could totally use some one-on-one time with him.
Find Something That Switches Gears
Whether this is something you share with your partner or something just for you, finding something that lets you transition from day-to-day life to a time of intimacy, find a trigger.
For example, this isn’t something that’s centered around sex for us, but my husband and I celebrate Champagne Friday, every Friday. As a person who didn’t have weekends for eight years as a wedding photographer, weekends have become sacred to me. So we celebrate them every week. Whenever we’re both done with work for the week, whether it’s at 3pm (work from home perks) or 8pm (self-employed life), we pop a bottle of champagne to share together. It’s a mental switch from work to weekend.
Find something that creates that switch for you. Is it a bath? Applying nail oil? A slow dance in your kitchen with your partner? Whatever it is, find it and never let it go.
Don’t Sleep In Yoga Pants
Look, I’m passionate about this. Don’t sleep in a ratty t-shirt or yoga pants or anything that you wear for something besides sleep. I’m not saying you have to sleep in lingerie by any means (because you want to actually SLEEP, amiright?), but find something that you feel good in and switches you into bed mode. I personally sleep in a black silky slip. It’s not sexy, but it’s soft and luxurious and comfortable, and I feel good in it. You could do a cami set like this. This silky slip is one of the ones I wear. And I’m totally not opposed to something a little more va-va-voom when you’re really feeling it, maybe something like this? Or here is an idea for something in between that I might just buy for myself. The short of it is, if it makes sense outside the bedroom, don't wear it to bed.
Let me be very clear, though: This is something I want you to do this for you. I want you to sleep in something that brings on great sleep and relaxation. If it becomes something more intimate, that’s great! You’ve set yourself up to feel good for it. But I think you’ll find each of these tips sets you up for great sleep and great sex. And, when it comes down to it, don’t they serve a similar purpose? Recharging, reconnecting, relaxing, and most of us don’t want to go too long without it.
What about you? Do you do any of these tips already? How do they serve you? Do you have anything else you’d add to this list?